Hikikomori

I am afraid that I have become one. I often don't go out of my room except to buy food from outside: I don't even watch television but stay near the computer, either reading at forums or searching for good applications. My head throbs but I can't get away. The only time I stop using it is when I sleep.

I don't study anymore. I read a lot, but I don't study anymore. I need help. I need to study, and I need to clarify these things. I can't stop ... I can't stop ... I can't stop ...

October Ferry to Gabriola

It all started last Wednesday when I went along with our popular and great English and Literature teacher Danton Remoto to the Humanities building. We were talking about what I could do for my reflection paper. We eventually reached the Humanities building together when we ended our talk, but before that, he asked me to come with him to a booksale outside the building. It was for their secretary whose husband was terribly ill and needed a lot of money for his hospital bills.

The English department then collected books they no longer need in their shelves and sold them at cheap prices (somewhat like what Book Shop does for Davao). He went along with me for a while trying to look for cheap books that I could read, (as he knew I was very fond of books) of course being written by authors known as classicists. Because of the limited choices and his constrained time, he was unable to choose a book for me, so he left me to choose while he went to the department perhaps to arrange his stuff before going home.

There weren't many good books left except for a Jack London book, a Sinclair Lewis book, and a Malcolm Lowry book. Among the three, I was most interested in the Malcolm Lowry book simply because it had a great cover and because it was published by Penguin. (If you thought I was going to read one of those three because of their literary merit, you're wrong. I chose the Malcolm Lowry book because it was the most pleasing aesthetically [for me].)

I paid 75 pesos, which is quite expensive for a used book, but cherished the book because it was well bound and also because it was bound by Penguin. I promised myself to be able to read the book despite its tedium and difficulty, and this promise (that I kept) broke a month-long repose from reading. The reason for my repose was the advent of my home Internet connection, or should I say dorm. I stopped reading books and appropriated for that by reading at forums (mostly about anime) and participating in them. I started reading it quickly, so as not to let boredom set in, and also because if I read slowly, I may not be able to finish it because of the many things needed to be done.

So I started reading it, and as I had expected, it was boring. Malcolm Lowry was more known for his Under the Volcano - which I had blogged about before. The synopsis of that novel was also more interesting than this one, but as I already had hold of this, and because I had promised to read this - I read this.

I just finished reading the book, and the best time to write about it is when all the information is still fresh in your mind (however, given the long introduction, it isn't as fresh anymore). I won't go into the characterizations, but directly to what I think and perceive of this book.

The book chronicles the journey of a man, Ethan Llewelyn, (it's hard to write about because it doesn't have any coherent plot) to self-discovery and self-repossession once more. I think it is about a journey of one who aims to again mesh with the workings of the world, to again be united with what life is. The main theme about the novel is eviction (alienation or rejection) from himself, from the world, from his past, and more physically, from his home. Guilt is also a major theme pervading and permeating the book, for the hero Ethan cannot let go of what he has done in the past that it often comes back haunting him.

This is no page-turner, and is quite a difficult novel considering the use of multiple and highly allusive languages to tell the story of Ethan and his wife. Ultimately, though, from what I can cull from the pages, it is a story of rediscovery. I can't really explain why I speak of rediscovery - it is that difficult of a novel, but Ethan eventually discovers that to balance oneself with the world one must accept both its pain and triumphs. He struggles flimsily with this balance, passingly obtaining it in a cabin of Nowhere, and losing it when he was evicted from that cabin.

With his wife, he journeys to obtain this balance once more, to reobtain what he had lost in that cabin that they both love. In the end, he discovers that this balance like any other in the world, is not static and will disappear into nothingness eventually. He then seeks a new home, and the story ends without us knowing if he ever transcends that love of the past, or if he gets over the loss of balance.

It is a somber novel, that much I can say. I think this is mildly comparable to Woolf's To the Lighthouse which is similarly a novel about loss, guilt, and rediscovery. It's quite a flimsy connection, but still a connection nonetheless.

I'm sorry if this review is incoherent or idiotic. That's how incoherent the novel was also. Maybe I'll edit this someday, or maybe I won't. I think that's enough information for now, if only to be a bank of what my initial thoughts about this book were.

The Diary of Tortov Roddle

I finished Rozen Maiden: Traumend yesterday, so I was looking for more unique anime to watch. It's not that I dislike mainstream anime, (I even like some of them) but I was searching for something new. (Aren't we all?)

While browsing the anime series in AnimeSuki I saw this anime, The Diary of Tortov Roddle. It was similar to Salad Fingers, an animated Flash series about a queer being who likes rust. As I liked Salad Fingers, I was hoping that the similar animation would take me away.

I waited for almost a day to obtain the single OVA (six short vignettes packed into one OVA), and I was not disappointed when I was finally able to download and watch it. The animation was indeed similar to Salad Fingers, boasting of strange characters, places, and occurrences. In short, it was surreal. The characters, however, were not as queer as those of Salad Fingers: the main character possessed humanity in him, anyway (Tortov Roddle).

One of the merits of this show is its surrealism. Its dream-like animation is often unfollowed by the mainline anime artists because it is a difficult medium, and it doesn't often convey emotions as easily were it based on stretching real-life (this I can attest to, seeing TDoTR). Its execution is also quite amazing, with its vignettes comparable to Akira Kurosawa's Dreams (which I like, despite having a difficulty understanding).

The setting that it has also evokes a somber mood that is central (to me, anyway) to the understanding of the 'series.' The somber mood reflects the silent pain that Tortov Roddle has been experiencing, traveling alone towards both anywhere and nowhere. With this he sees strange things (as if his horse-pig wasn't strange enough), and takes them down in his diary. Near the end, however, the ethereal melds into what is almost reality, and we see - perhaps - a glimpse on why he travels alone towards anywhere and nowhere. Like the final Dream of Akira Kurosawa the final vignette of TDoTR is an epiphany: we realize to some extent why he travels at all, and it is to shirk away from the pain of separation: to suffer alone because one is truly alone.

With the past and his daydreams melding together into one, it is hard to distinguish what was real, except that separation from a beautiful woman (perhaps real, perhaps imagined) maybe has driven him to move away from humanity itself. The wilted flower he holds is the symbol of his wilted heart (I think), and his unwillingness to love again, only to peruse the past while moving away from the present (with the picture of that lady on his diary) is why he travels away from the world and away from himself.

Maybe I gave this OVA too much meaning, or maybe I didn't. All in all, despite being slow-moving, it was a refreshing watch - nothing like a cup of good tea amidst softdrinks.

I love hell. I can't wait to get back there.

The title is only one among the many intellectual (and darkly humorous) aphorisms within the book Under the Volcano. Though I have not read it yet, it is the next book on my list after I finish the lesser October Ferry to Gabriola of the same author, Malcolm Lowry.

I promised myself not to comment about the book until I have finished it, which is only some days from now. However, I am expecting a great read from his masterpiece, Under the Volcano. With sayings like

I think I know a good deal about physical suffering. But this is worst of all, to feel your soul dying. I wonder if it is because tonight that my soul has really died that I feel at the moment something like peace...Sometimes I am possessed by a most powerful feeling, a despairing bewildered jealousy which, when deepened by drink, turns into a desire to destroy myself by my own imagination--not at least to be the prey of--ghosts--

I expect a great book in the least. And with its position in the Top 100 Novels of the 20th Century, I really expect it to be a masterpiece.

Erotic Poem?

Man and wife together slept
In a bed that was now unkempt;
Their bodies pressed against the covers,
and the window closed its shutters.

It all started simply:
man was thirsty,
so he got a glass of water
to dampen his thirst and hunger.

The water trickled down,
and a sound, staccato, played.
The glugging of his Adam's apple,
had man's wife made.

An inchworm to his side she crawls
Nearer and nearer each minute he chugs
And then, like a bear pouncing on prey,
She clasps, tightly hugs, tightly hugs.

Now water from her mouth,
Started trickling like drizzle.
They rolled in the bed;
hairs all frizzled.

She sings a tune, and oh so loud
The neighbors wake, but they make no sound.
'Seems they're at it again,' they said,
and now silence: the rocking of the bed.

Their moans and cries
came not from funereal sadness,
but only what they call love,
and what I call madness.

On TorrentStorm

The developer of TorrentStorm has stopped improving on his rendition of the original BT client version 3.4.2. Although his icon is very inviting (I like the lightning), that is the only thing pleasing in his client.

As it was stopped, it pales in comparison to newer clients like BitComet, Azureus, or µTorrent. It does not have listen ports (or if it does, is incomparable to those clients mentioned above). It does not have the plug-in capability of Azureus, the UDP NAT traversal of BitComet, or the amazingly small size of µTorrent. Right now, all it is is a recoded BitTornado showing an OK graphical-user interface.

As I am trapped with wireless DSL and an incompetent ISP (yet the best there is here), I cannot properly use Azureus or µTorrent. However, because of the DHT or the trackerless network built into the clients, I can still download at acceptable speeds (2-13 KB/s most of the time).

This is lacking in TorrentStorm. I can barely download at more than 1 KB/s. Even the original client allows me to download faster than this. I've tried playing with the controls; I've forwarded my ports; and I did what I can to speed this up. Because, however, it doesn't have the UDP NAT traversal or DHT (trackerless) network, it cannot download fast.

Its settings are also primitive as compared to these more recent clients. After testing it three times, I have uninstalled it. Just use µTorrent or Azureus, or if you're in a predicament like mine, BitComet. These three are among the best torrent clients. Don't waste your time with TorrentStorm. (I did, however, because of its cool icon.)

Cheers!

A Bad Day and NewDotNet

Before even posting this blog entry, I fought with myself a few times. I was unsure of posting because I did not have anything to post (which was obviously a lie of my lazy consciousness), and because it was one of those days where even if the most fragrant words were used, the portrait formed was a landscape of despair. (It's not really that bad, but it's quite bad.)

I was late in waking up. So much for having awoken properly today. Nothing really went well; I almost fainted from inhaling copious amounts of aromatic formalin while mutilating a dead frog. At least our Chemistry exam was postponed because of university incidents. Thank God, (and this isn't sarcastic. Thank God.) but it's sad I can't even rejoice because of my stomach. I think my ulcers are awakening once more, trying to zombify my stomach into scar tissue.

I also have a headache, probably because I didn't take a bath today. Yes. I was trying not to be late (which I was, though) so I didn't take a bath. It isn't easy juggling stomach upheaval with a pounding head.

There is still, and always beauty amidst the darkest depths of life. Some find it in their God, (which I do, but not now) and I found it today on two small bottles of Yakult, although this day was far from among the bleakest in my life.

I know this may well continue; perhaps my scores for the lecture exam aren't satisfying enough for me. (I hope I don't appear grade-conscious enough. :#) There is still a seed of beauty even among storms of sadness. I don't see it right now because I am blinded by the quest for grades. I'll probably see it tomorrow when I wake up to a new morning.

***

Regrets filled me today. But I'm not an old man yet.

*sighs to release all hot air inside my head*

I was never really good in Biology when compared to computing. I could easily ace computing with not too much effort, which I often really ace because of the efforts I put up. Just today, I studied about the actions and mechanisms of installation of New.net, an advertising company also purported to purvey spyware. (Why do all my blogs come back to topics about computers?)

I read some articles of Ben Edelman (a known anti-spyware zealot) in his website. (The specific article is linked here.) The link contains the installation practices of this advertisement company, and shows its insidiousness. Another site, CounterExploitation contains more specific information on the nature of the company and the program itself. (The article is linked here. I suggest you click that link.)

I just can't seem to get enough of spyware and computers (as if that's a good thing). However, they are one of the better reasons why I can get by through the day without breaking down. Somehow, I guess, in another world where man can do as he pleases (be sybaritic!) I'm going to be a total geek and get stuck with a computer the whole day. Hey, wait! I'm doing that already here! :)

Life still shines amidst headaches, bullshit, and anything it can throw your way. Why? Because although it throws mud at your face, it also teaches you how to duck. It also teaches you to observe, and to appreciate what it is for what it is worth. (I'm somewhat philosophical today, but I like typing this just to ease the tension that I am feeling inside.)

After writing all that, I don't know how to end this entry. Although no one reads this, my aesthetic sense (especially shining right now) cannot allow me to end this without closure. But I think I've said what I want to: bad things happen, but so do good ones. Life is not all bad, when you look at it, really. It just seems like it because we only learn to observe when we're in deep shit.

:D

Rozen Maiden and Random Thoughts

I've had exams again. What else is new?

I really like the GUI of TorrentStorm. However, it doesn't work. It doesn't have NAT traversal, and it doesn't have a listen port, so it doesn't work. It's old as well. I just really, really, really love the icon. (Talk about me having depth. Not.)

Anyway, I've watched three straight episodes of Rozen Maiden. I like Souseiseki and Hinaichigo. One is thoughtful, silent, and tactful as well. That's good. Hinaichigo is child-like: tactless, cute, and kind. I like those dolls.

I don't like Shinku too much. She's quite haughty, but she's great enough.

I must watch Rozen Maiden: Traumend ... so that I can see more Souseiseki and Bara Suishou! Yay!

I'm full of shit today ...

I wasn't able to even get out of my room. It was both painful and harrowing ... I don't want to think about it ... after eating McDonalds' ...

It came and came ... in peristaltic and painful waves ... urging ... wanting ... forcing me ... to shit.

And I'm confused. I've devoured the first five episodes of Kashimashi ... aah ... not good ...

I haven't even studied for the exam yet ...

Itsudatte ... blah ... blah ... blah *Kaminui*

?

McDonald's Crispy Chicken Rice Burger

After posting on forums and downloading Rozen Maiden, I decided to eat. It was past twelve noon. I was already extremely hungry, seeing as I did not eat well the night before because of a pervasive headache that was so painful, not even a Tylenol Extra Strength capsule could take care of it.

I promised myself to order the Crispy Chicken Rice Burger of McDonalds'. I had saved money (by not eating the night before and breakfast today) just to destroy the novelty of eating it. I did, and as I expected, it was more or less good enough, but too expensive to be really delicious. I'm not sure if I'd eat it again, but I probably won't with my own money. It really is just too expensive. Before that, however, I ate some soup bundled into the 'value meal' so as to just fill my stomach and prepare it for the rice burger.

I wasn't even half-full when I finished the rice burger. And to top it off, McDonalds' Market Research Team had surveyed me for what I ate. I told them what I thought, of course, that it was too expensive and stuff. After some fifteen minutes, I was given a free french-fries card for one time use. (tongue-twister, anyone?) I was pretty pissed off because when I finished, it was drizzling outside. I walked it off, and then bought some iced coffee to cool my head off. (I gave my free french-fries card to a friend in that store.)

I took a bath when I got home. My stomach exploded afterwards. Until now, it still hurts.
Damn you, McDonald. You really serve shit for food. (pun intended)

And what came out was brown, looked like eviscerated chicken, and it was shit. So much for my 120 pesos.

Anyway, I've downloaded Rozen Maiden and posting while I'm waiting for my stomach's upheaval to stop. Damn it. :)

Kashimashi

I'm too steeped in computers that I've forgone my other interest: anime.

Well, I've watched some hours ago a new anime I never thought I'd like but did. The anime is Kashimashi ~ Girl Meets Girl. It's somewhat obvious why I chose this anime, right?

I've had a wonderful first episode, and the premise is promising.

A boy was turned down by a girl whom he really liked. (She seems to like the boy, too, but there are underlying reasons not yet clarified.) Sad, he treks down the mountain to try and forget her, but only remembers the time they shared together. Then he gets hit by a spaceship, and the spaceship, not knowing how to keep the boy a boy, transformed him into a girl so as to preserve her life. This is the beginning.

I never thought I'd like love stories, but anime just seems to pull it off. I especially like tragic and dark love stories (and many others will agree with me because the top two anime on AnimeNfo are tragic love stories) because of their in-depth dissection of the psyche.

This was a pretty fun and happy anime despite its sad premise, so I'm going to watch it. I was so into the first episode that I clapped my hands by the end of the anime, shouted a big woohoo, and smiled up to the ears when I went out of my room, which is a total indication of my love for this anime.

I should delete Jigoku Shoujo. I mean, there isn't any story to it - yet, and there are many more anime to watch ... like Mushishi, for instance (to be expounded on the next blogs, perhaps).

-

I have a headache.

Talking to Myself (Part 1)

I'd like to write about things other than computers; that is the sole purpose of having the blog entitled as The Crescent Moon. However, it is extremely difficult for me right now because I have both the love and interest in studying computers and only computers. I can't even appreciate anime as much anymore ... and that's something bad.

Thank God I promised I wouldn't install any more crap on my computer. I seem to still want to break it even the installation of those two nasty programs were harrowing, especially for me. I wouldn't install something like that again - I just got lucky the first time around, and luck doesn't always exist in your favor.

Anyway, I'd gladly talk (even to myself) about procrastination and stuff like that, but only extremely conscientious students don't; I'll pass. It will just bore the hell out of you, and probably bore the hell out of me as well. (Writers don't have it as easy as you think, even if they are only blog-writers.)

I'm lazy. I don't study often. Is that enough?

I have been watching anime, and the most recent I've viewed was the third episode of Ayakashi. The animation is not mind-blowing, and neither is the story; but I still liked it anyway. I'm bored. I don't think I'll finish that series, though.

What anime will I watch next?

SpyFlush

I have once more discovered a good and free anti-spyware application, and it is known as SpyFlush. (I am linking once more! Yay!) Although a discontinued project, it properly scanned my system for spyware in startup programs and in the registry. Thanks to this program, I feel that an additional security level had been added to my computer.

It removed unnecessary startup programs in my computer, and cleaned the registry of suspicious registry keys. (I'm thinking those registry keys came with the WhenU and New.net that I've stupidly installed.)

Best of all, however, it's free. You don't have to pay for anything to use this, and this does not contain any spyware at all. Just go and see it for yourself. I will continue on adding great software I find in the Internet here.
My interest in software that is clean, useful and safe has boomed since the advent of my Internet connection. I have thrown away my reading interest, which is really bad.

Still, I have started on Kobe Abe's The Woman in the Dunes. Why did I use color? I want to emphasize that I'm going to read and finish the damn thing.

My Life in ABC

I never was much of a social guy. I'd rather stay home and read about computers or watch anime. I deem those activities more fruitful as well. I can write whole dissertations on spyware, file-sharing, anime, or books I love (The Sound and the Fury?) - I have done those already. (Of course, they are not really dissertaions, but short essays. Dissertations are for intellectuals wanting to be masters of their own craft; I study these things as hobbies.)

I have stopped writing creative fiction; I guess this was the result of having a fast Internet connection, which is a displacement of prioritized hobbies. I still can write creative fiction, though; however, I do not have the time because of my other hobbies.

Watching anime is great, so is reading books, and so is computing. That's my life in ABC.

The sadness of death is the joy of rebirth. - Neon Genesis Evangelion

A Rebours (Against the Grain)

It's time for a little French use. I don't normally speak French, so how did I know how to use some French words? It is, as usual, through books.

A Rebours (Against the Grain) was written by Joris Karl Huysmans in the late 1900s. It was one of the masterpieces of decadent literature pioneered by our dear friend Baudelaire. Although I haven't read it (yet), it talks about a rebellious and anti-social protagonist named Des Esseintes going against the grain of society.

How, then, does it connect to my modern state of mind? As usual, of course, I am always against the grain; this time, however, paranoia helped me a lot.

I usually test .exe (or executables) before even trying to install them in my system. That way, I know beforehand what it contains, and thus I will also know what I must not install. Virus Total
and Jotti's Malware Scan are great testers of these files by checking it with A LOT of anti-virii applications (some even checking for adware or spyware). To be sure, however, of being at least protected from these scourges, I installed a lot of anti-spyware and anti-malware applications (malware standing for malicious software).

This may seem a lot to you, but kindly be patient:

1. Mozilla Firefox: the safe browser, with built-in pop-up blocker and with installable themes and extensions. I didn't forget to install AdBlock and NoScript to prevent drive-by downloads or security exploits.

2. Spyware Blaster (I'm tired of linking, because these will be a lot of programs; you can go search for them at Google): protects your registry from invasive spyware by preventing ALL types of insidious registry keys from being installed in the first place.

3. Spyware Guard: prevents installation of spyware executables

4. Spyware Doctor: one of the top anti-spyware scanners that is commercial

5. Ad-aware SE Professional: another one of the top anti-spyware scanners that is also commercial

6. WinPatrol Plus: commercial version of WinPatrol, safeguarding all kinds of installs from taking place without your consent

7. Spybot - Search and Destroy: a free anti-spyware scanner that is also one of the top

8. F-Prot Anti-virusl with F-Stop: prevents malicious code from execution

9. Ad-watch: along with Spyware Doctor, Spyware Blaster, and Spyware Guard, protects the registry

10. MVPS Hosts File: blocks all malicious websites known for exploiting IE security gaps

11. IE-SpyAd w/ ZoneOut: places all those evil websites into IE's restricted zone

12. CCleaner: deletes all cookies and all remnants of Crap (the C) in your computer

13. Sygate Personal Firewall PRO: one of the low-memory using, good firewalls around

14. Bazooka Scanner: scans for spyware as well

That's a lot, isn't it. I was feeling particularly stupid for the day, so I decided to test my computer. I installed LimeWire Download Manager (bundling New.net, RelevantKnowledge, and shit with it), as well as Kazaa and LimeWire Lyric Finder (bundling WhenU, New.net and shit with it as well).

You must think my computer is terribly fucked up. You know how it is with spyware.

I scanned with Spybot - the only thing edited was a registry file blocking the launching of anti-virus applications ... ooo, scary ... but I uninstalled Norton, and Norton, not wanting competition, perhaps wanted to prevent other AVs from running (but they ran, anyway).

I then scanned with Ad-aware. No items found.

I then scanned with Spyware Doctor. It detected blocked sites from my MVPS hosts file, and the VVSNInstaller of WhenU's SaveNow, unopened. Nothing more.

I scanned with HijackThis. The parser of (here I'll place the links because they are extremely important in checking your system with spyware) HijackThis, HijackThis LogFile Analyzer
gave my PC a clean bill of computer health. Haha. Take that, you fucking adware companies.

I suggest you be paranoiacs yourself and install what I did. They help, as you can and will see.

I also promise to myself that I will never try installing adware (spyware) filled programs in my computer again.

"You lucky punk," the spyware companies said. "You'll never get away with it again. Ever. We will fuck your computer up next time around."

"Oh gosh," I said. "I'm never fucking up next time around, though." :D

BitTorrent Clients

BitTorrent Clients

Legend:
C - clean
L - legitimate
R - rip-off (of what client)
S - spyware-filled
* - among the best
NR- not recommended

BitTornado 0.3.14a Experimental - C/L
BitTorrent Ultra 2.22 - R/S [ugly]
BitTorrent Absolute Downloader 2.88 - R (BitTorrent 3.4.2)/C
BitTorrent 4.4.1 - C/L
BitTorrent++ alpha 0.5.4 - untested
ZipTorrent 1.3.7.3 - C/L/NR
µTorrent - C/L/* [small and powerful client]
TorrentStorm 1.3 - c/L
BitComet 0.61 - C/L/* [definitely recommended]
BitTorrent Mega Pack 2.22 - R (BitTorrent 3.4.2)/C [I like this, though]

Ergo Proxy

By the end of the first episode, I was practically ogling like a fanboy, and clapping my hands like an extremely happy first-grader.

This is among the 'blown-away' anime that I've seen, something to the effect of drooling and having goosebumps throughout even just the first episode. And Lir, damn it, Lir is just beautiful. I don't mean the Orihime-kind of beautiful (hyperbolic proportions), or the anime kind of beautiful (quasi-loli), damn it, she's the human kind of beautiful.

Until now, I'm still shivering with excitement. My hands and feet perspire as well, because I'm that EXCITED.

Scenes of Orwell's masterpiece, 1984, permeate the show with its dark mood, and the Ghost in the Shell feel is there as well. However, I wasn't as amazed with Motoko as I was with Lir. The philosophies are just starting to congeal, and nothing has been really told as of yet. This series still deals with freedom in a dystopian utopia. Paradoxical? Yes, indeed.

Utopia can never be achieved. Freedom will always prevail, as the first episode shows. OMG ... I have become a fanboy of this show.

When you dovetail literary masterpieces such as 1984, We, and Fahrenheit 451 with sublime animation, great character design, philosophy, Ghost in the Shell-feel, and an extremely, supremely, uncomparable beauty that is Lir, you obtain Ergo Proxy.

Just think of it: you have Manglobe's (Samurai Champloo) animation, great writers for the script (Ghost in the Shell), a great director (Witch Hunter Robin), and a rocking soundtrack (Radiohead). WTF could you still ask for?

Those are my reasons on why I have become a fanboy, why I was so blown away with the first episode, and why I ogle at Lir.

***

I have rewatched it, and now notice more subtleties. Observe.

Note that the letters in the soup form the word 'awakening.'
That's blood on his hand, perhaps the blood of the lover-type autorave. This makes me assume that the virus comes from blood.
What does the symbol at the upper right mean? There must be something to it.
That's how beautiful she is. Go watch the first episode.

BitTorrent Absolute Downloader

Consequently, here is the result of the Virus Total scan of BitTorrent Absolute Downloader.
Check out the Panda Antivirus showing the suspicious file part.

Anyway, as I am intelligently stupid, I installed it. Yes, I did. Nothing happened: there were no viruses or malware installed as seen by scanning with Spyware Doctor and Spybot - Search and Destroy. And it also was exactly like BitTorrent Mega Pack. Hmm ... perhaps the single domain of them both tells me why. The domain which included BTAD and BTMP also includes other rip-off ware like, as stated, Crazaa. Surprised? Me? Not really. I expected this much shit from them. Heh.

I'm downloading Trick (a J-drama) using it right now. Haha. It's damn slow.

BitTorrent Mega Pack (Part 2)

Virus Total is a website that uses multiple anti-virus software to scan a file. I scanned BitTorrent Mega Pack for any viruses or malware that could have been embedded, and there was nothing found in the many clients scanned. I assumed then that it was safe.
It was. It tried to pop-up Crazaa though, but it still was safe enough. The picture above was from the result of the Virus Total scan. For all clients, there were no viruses found. It just sucked as a BitTorrent client, though, and of course, it was rip-off ware.

A Pockmarked Face

My face must be filled with pockmarks. I haven't even taken a bath today, and I'm so sleepy to do it, not to mention I've been exposed to PCs all day long. What a sad existence.

Zultrax

Seems like I haven't slept at all. I don't know why, I just drank some Tylenol Extra Strength and a lot of water, and it's back to only a mild pain that doesn't disrupt much. (My computer is caffeine right now.)

Zultrax is a Peer-to-peer (P2P) program. This means that this program allows one to share his files through the Internet without tangible media such as DVDs or CDs. Most of you, I think, know of this already.

This P2P program, however, is not as well-known as BearShare or LimeWire. It also isn't as known as BitTorrent or eMule/eDonkey. What can it brag, then?

BearShare and LimeWire are Gnutella's (a network) best known clients, and the most used as well. BitTorrent is practically THE most popular protocol/network in the Internet today, and eD2k network possesses the most users... so what can it brag about, then?

Unlike most other P2P clients, this is among the most straightforward clients I've ever used: it means what it says. When it says it doesn't have spyware or adware, it doesn't. BearShare has a lot of spyware in it while denying that it has. eDonkey2000 has opt-out (or so I thought) installation of adware, but even when I opted out, (this was a long time ago, however) it still installed some pervasive shit.

Of course, nothing present in the Internet today can compare with BitTorrent. What Zultrax brags about, however, is the possession of their OWN network, the ZEPP network. LimeWire certainly doesn't have that. And this network is unique only to Zultrax itself. There are no other clients that connect to the ZEPP network. Zultrax, in addition, brags about the network's strong, protective measures on preserving the P2Pers privacy. I applaud them for that.

All in all, however, it still isn't really something to brag about. How can you call ZEPP a network with barely 3000 users? There is nothing good to download in the ZEPP network.

For example: I tried searching for ALL software in the ZEPP network. After some 30 minutes or so of waiting, it only showed 8 results. Hmph. And all of these results were games, not really programs. So much for the word ALL. They better change the software there into games.

I also tried searching for ALL videos. I think the first ten results I got were porn, and out of the 213 results, I estimate that roughly 80% were porn. So much for the word videos. They better change that to PORN.

Let me also add that the GUI is nothing to be proud about. It doesn't even seem clean. It also creeps me out. Want a screenshot?

Here it is.

Click on it to see it bigger. (Duh. lol)

Here is part of a Zultrax description:

Here are some key features of "Zultrax":

· Free - Zultrax is fully free. We could use a contribution from you if you like the program but do not obligate it.
· Clean - No adware, no spyware, no bundles. Zultrax doesn't install any garbage and does not modify your registry.
· Fast – Zultrax delivers vastly improved searching and downloading of files over a more secure network.
· Safe – Zultrax supports two networks amongst which the ZEPP network. ZEPP offers the best privacy protection currently available on a P2P network.
· Stable - Zultrax doesn't crash or give problems. It just does its work.
· Smart - The Zultrax kernel contains advanced state of the art P2P technology.
· Silent - Zultrax keeps an eye on your CPU usage and adapts to it. On this way Zultrax does not slow down your machine.

Zultrax says what it means. And that's what I like about them. They don't damn lie. It's just that their own network can't stand up on their own, and there are a lot of better clients out there that are more efficient connecting with the Gnutella network (LimeWire and BearShare).Still, don't count this out. There's something good in telling the truth. Always.

Spyware and Rip-off Ware (Part 1?)

There is something in blogging that limits me from writing a lot. Am I just getting stupid, or am I too bored for my own good (i.e. having an attention span less than a baby)?

I think not. I can write long discourses on bullshit. (A Harvard professor had a dissertation on bullshit, so I won't duplicate what he did.) I can write long essays on practically anything, but they'd still equate to bullshit for most readers, won't they?

This is a foray of mine to write at least more than five sentences in a single blog entry of mine. As nobody reads this, who cares, right?

I am fond of shitty applications, and I don't know why. Of course, common sense dictates that I be not fond of them, but who uses common sense nowadays? I even have more than most, so I only take this as a foible in my character (lol for foible). I wanted to obtain the Spybot - Search and Destroy rip-off, Terminexor. Terminexor practically copied the same code from the great anti-spyware application, Spybot - S&D, changed the Spybot to Terminexor, placed some shitty spyware, and then passed it off as their own unique work. Nasty? Indeed it is, but Terminexor, although obsolete, hasn't been the only one doing this nowadays.

Take for example, the original and old BitTorrent 3.4.2 client. Here is its picture:
Now here is the picture of BitTorrent Mega Pack:
And here is the picture of BitTorrent Absolute Downloader:

There are only small differences among them in terms of the GUI, and one of the most noticeable is the icon. Believe me, there is nothing also different among them in terms of usage. BTMP (BitTorrent Mega Pack), however, tries to open pop-up windows in Windows9x originally created by Bram Cohen, the developer of BitTorrent, to pop-up his site every time the client is opened, asking for donations (BitTorrent is an open-source project, not a commercial one). This was changed to pop-up to Crazaa, a sister (and sinister) website of both BTMP and BTAD (BitTorrent Absolute Downloader), to try to coerce the ignorant user to download Crazaa, which bundles with it a very pervasive parasite that is extremely difficult to remove, AdBlaster.

BTAD, on the other hand, bundles WhenU, a pervasive adware program that pop-ups the weather as recorded somewhere, and some 'offers' that aid you in 'saving' money. (The ignorant user doesn't know that the adware program itself steals data from what you type and sends this data to their servers. The user doesn't really 'save' money, he's just losing it in other ways.)

Adware companies make money with their bundled software; they are being paid for by large companies to insidiously display advertisements on other people's computers, thus trying to coerce these users to buy stuff they do not want, and making them believe that the 'value-added' software that they installed on their computer (along with P2P programs most of the time) is important and valuable. Most of the time, they are not easily detected or uninstalled. So much for 'keeping your privacy.'

Software that these adware companies created for advertisements are mostly flawed: they use the bandwidth of the client's computer, TRANSMIT DATA from the client to their own ad servers, and then pop-up shit (mostly worthless porn and slimy 'deals') to their 'clients'' computers.

To be continued ... (This is just an excuse for me to sleep.)

There's no place like home.

My day was basically bad in that I was not able to do anything worthwhile except play mod Warcraft for about three hours. I have not studied for two exams coming this week, and I have not been able to write any required papers yet.

When my mother called, however, all problems just seemed to fade away. In hearing the voices of my family I forget temporarily of the things I have to face here.

There is, indeed, no place like home.

Ukitake Jyuushirou

Doesn't the picture rock?

Jigoku Shoujo

I've been looking for a refreshing anime to watch for quite some time already. Thank God I've found it in Jigoku Shoujo.

The character designs are brilliant; the plot, though episodic, is compelling; and the music is exceptional. So far I've watched only the first episode, but I think that merits me to watching the whole series. I need disk space, though.

Insomnia?

My love for computers has made me an insomniac. I promise to sleep by 11:30.

Or maybe not. But I will sleep before twelve...

P2P Menace

There still remains a weak throbbing in the right side of my head, even after an hour and a half of sleep. I know I don't need food, really, but I need more sleep.

Why must everything connected with P2P have either bundled adware, spyware, or viruses? This just pisses me off, and most of the time, there aren't even clear warnings. They do everything with subterfuge and obfuscation. Damn them. Couldn't they just say,

"We're going to fill your computer with shit if you use this."

and make things simpler? But then, no one would probably use their software without the subterfuge. Life would be much easier without these people, though.

Headache

There were exams; there were two submitted papers; there were idiots; there was a terrible headache. Oh my.

My head is throbbing, and it really hurts. It's not migraine, I think, but I also think I should sleep. Nobody reads this blog anyway, but I guess it's all right to talk to yourself.

I hope I can study after everything. Sigh.

My First Picture

I rock.

I'm just trying some unique ways to post.

BitTorrent Mega Pack

This is about nothing, really. Just another one of my software obsessions. I love how I posted in the AnimeSuki forum that I just had to save my post.

my AnimeSuki post on BitTorrent clients

The Sound and the Fury

How can I not love Faulkner when his best novel's title is based from a great aphorism (albeit a long one) from Shakespeare's Macbeth?

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing...

(Scene 5, Act 5)

The Crescent Moon

I have been infatuated with the word 'moon' since a year ago, after watching one of my most favorite animes of all time, Shingetsutan Tsukihime. Although it dealt with vampires, it wasn't really violent, and much thought was given to the creation of images and the emotions that it invoked. The most thought-provoking image, however, was of the moon.

The moon was lonely in its solitude, yearning for some foggy image of happiness.

It was unnerving: until now I could never forget that image, that white sphere of lost hope.

Recently, I read The Crescent Moon of Rabindranath Tagore, winner of the 1913 Nobel Prize of Literature. Perhaps it was my inspiration to create this blog, or perhaps it was that moon of long ago that exposed itself once more, evanescent, only to etch itself in my brain forever.